Alone Together

One of the most mysterious consequences of Being is that each incarnate form is absolutely Alone. Each instance of the One and Only Being is endowed with a completely unique point of view; one that no other being can ever get totally inside of. In fact, you could say that each incarnation of Being IS a point of view.

In its totality, Being is an infinite, multidimensional, living, pulsating mass of sentient matter, energy, and emptiness. Within that, each one of us is a unique lens designed to filter out almost all of what is going on, except for a tiny little sliver that can be navigated and lived from one point of view. In this way, each one of us is a totally unique universe that even we ourselves cannot fully comprehend. The mystery of Self is so vast that it would take an infinite number of lifetimes to explore and still not come to the end of it. And this is not merely because we are incomprehensibly vast; it is also because, even as we explore ourselves, we are endlessly changing. Given this, it is little surprise that we are also such a mystery to each other.

When we look at each other, we see other human bodies that are similar to ours, but uniquely different. We encounter another mind, another sensibility, and another history living inside of another mysteriously different point of view. We can only barely sense the outlines of the drama that must have unfolded in the arena of that other, and can we only barely discern the mystery that is currently unfolding there. We struggle with our language, trying desperately to use a highly limited set of words and sounds in the four dimensions of space and time. But the words just don’t communicate much of our reality, and that lack of deep communication is painful. It is painful because it reminds us of how Alone we are. 

We walk through our lives, feeling our Aloneness and the consequent sense of separation from others and the universe. That separation makes us feel sad, terrified, and confused. We want to feel connected, protected, and included, but somehow, no matter how much connection we experience, that nagging feeling of Aloneness continues. We want to return to the primal connectedness and protection of our first birth gestation and infancy, but that is not possible. We feel that we will always be Alone, and that we are inconsolable there. And the truth is, we are right. We are Alone eternally. And we are inconsolable there.

In fact, even Being itself is absolutely Alone. In our work, we refer to the awakened Being as the Onlyness. Onlyness means that there is no other than itself – Being is One Thing, One Event. And that One is Alone, eternally.

And yet, Being is also mysteriously and paradoxically not alone. Being has manifested company. Lots of it. Being has replicated itself, has made Itself many so that Self-recognition and Togetherness would be possible. And in our individual lives, we are not alone in our capacity to discover friends and lovers. When we connect with another, there is a relief that here is a solution to the problem of our Aloneness. But time after time, those connections are parted, and we are left grieving. We grieve not only for our lost intimacy, but, more deeply, we grieve over our feeling of disconnectedness.

Lifetimes go by, and we find ourselves endless seeking connections with others. Sooner or later, we give up, convinced that, even if we can find a great love, it is always temporary. Perhaps we go through a stage of complete withdrawal from life and relatedness and live as a renunciate, either alone or with others. When that exploration has matured, we enter a desperation and a desolation that is inevitable. That desperation says “I am Alone, and that Aloneness is too much to bear. I have tried to connect with others, but even at its best, relationships are temporary and insufficient. I must know my connectedness with All, with God, with the Great Mystery. Only then can I rest.”

At this stage, when that invocation is spoken from the deepest heart of the seeker, a magic begins to occur. Wanting nothing more than to fulfill this innermost desire, All of Being rearranges Itself to grant its own wish. And soon, the one who spent aeons in the condition of separation is awakened into the realization of non-separate Onlyness. This event is the great relief of our existence. On the deepest level of our Being, it resolves our longing to know that we are not separate, not cast out, not abandoned, not merely Alone.

And yet, as we walk through this new life, we discover that we are Alone still. We are the One, the Only Being that ever was, living this incarnate life. And we still endure the wounds of separation from our loved ones. All this, even through the obviousness of non-separation. It is a paradox, one that cannot be resolved, only lived in wonder.

From the moment of awakening, the now non-separate one continues in the world of apparent separation and confusion, encountering others who have not discovered the truth of their own connectedness. And the awakened one has no choice but to serve the great awakening of others.

And so, both as All of Being and as individuated Beings, we live out a most remarkable drama of searching for connection, losing it, seeking it again, and awakening into the paradox of aloneness and togetherness. We are Alone Together. That is our truth. May our hearts awaken into this truth and may we all find new ways to live in that truth that magnify our love and respect for each other and for the Great Mystery of Being.

© 2001 Ted Strauss