Real Freedom on the Leash of Being
Inspired by Saniel's term “Being tightens the leash” from his book “The Conscious Principle”

This morning as I am waking up in my cabin in the Redwoods where I have written on my book for almost 2 weeks, Saniel’s’ words reminded me of my old fear that I would lose my freedom to have all possibilities in the world available at any moment.

In those almost 30 years I flitted through men like through clothes and traveled the world like visiting the neighbors. I made sure I left no experience out that I thought I might need, and discounted the wreckage to my feminine sensitivity and ease, self-honor, trust and true pleasure. I was a seeker for excitement and “sexual” spirituality and thought it was the Best I could find out there in our world. I was very scared to give that up. It was the only thing I had and that felt sooo much better in the dim light of other peoples' ‘boring and painful’ lives.

After years of my “exciting” denial, I still did not feel any more real, safe or satisfied.  Nor had I found love that I could sense as true. Somewhat exhausted, I slowed down just enough to see how the world that I was frantically dancing in was completely out of my growing sense of heart felt integrity.

A good friend of mine introduced me to the Waking Down in Mutuality Process and personally to Linda and Saniel. Something shifted – something let go and I felt a sort of relief- interesting, I thought.
I began to take more time to be alone and, what I am the most grateful for is how, I started to listen and feel more of my own body's wisdom, my own teachings.

With all my heart I am thankful to all my clients around the world. Their questions and problems, despair, pain and their trust in my hands was what had always fed my curiosity and need for connection on that no-bullshit level of life. They allowed me to deeply and with utter sensitivity and care feel into their bodies. Now with the support of several senior Waking Down Teachers it was high time to do the same for myself. The famous U-turn!
I could begin to care for what was going on inside my own body only because mostly Hillary and Ted offered the essential and unconditional love and guidance I wasn’t finding out there.

In May 2009 on Mothers Day and my 51st Birthday I slid through the jaws of my fear and into my second birth.
Up to that moment I had still been convinced that I did not want to be “en-lightened” because I would have to give up what was left of my crazy life and spirit…Still, in my agonizing blindness I had found what felt like a root of my own tree of Being through the “green-lighting” love I received from those teachers of the Walking Down Process, Ted and Hillary.

Now, a good ten months into this very magical gift of a new life-ride, I am learning to sit in and crawl through my oscillations just on schedule, but I am also daring to write it down for the first time. I am in tears of - something I can’t put in a word, flowing in something that feels right, maybe because I trust!

My conscious awakening feeling sensation awareness of my body is tightening the old rubber leash for real! This time to my absolute relief!
The lack of clarity that hurt all these years is evaporating and now a forgotten spontaneous and ancient no-non-sense guidance is leading me to where I can Be: Here as Me, not that lost girl that could not stop looking for her Self, because she searched in a muddy mirror. 

Now that I call [the radiant feminine flow of] FREEDOM!

Gratitude is the only prayer I know!  - Osho

With a big smile
Sabine