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Letter from A.A. A. is a Polish woman who lives in England who I worked with for several months. The following letter is from her journal, which she wrote from memory after a mushroom journey. When she read it to me over the phone, I insisted she type it out so I could post it here. With the help of a mutual friend, she did just that, I hereby offer it in all its awesomeness.
January, 2001 Hi Ted my Beloved Friend, Here is the account of my mystical experience after eating magic mushrooms. Forgive any funny English. During the experience I was virtually deprived of all sense perceptions, intent on the journey within. The vision starts with a long, bottomless dark tunnel which I long to penetrate with my whole being. This tunnel is the longing and wanting of my I recognize in this black bottomlessness the great mother as the life-giver and also her Kali aspect as life-destroyer. I feel love and reverence for her. I begin to sing the chants of praise for her. As I sing, I am becoming the creating goddess herself. Singing the boundless sound of "aaah," I see and feel the universe coming to live (life) through my song. The black vortex merges with my being and I am its essence. I am assuming the birth-giving position and I feel the abundance of my womb. I can feel/see the great light being approaching. I recognize Shiva. I call him to me and he enters me, my divine lover. I experience the destructive power of my nature. Squeezing my legs and vagina, I smash all beings. I am the beast: demonic and greedy, and I delight in it . For a moment, I am a venomous snake with its slimy body and evil intensions. It is all of its true nature and deeply satisfying. The next phase is indescribable bliss. I am showered with blazing, exploding beauty. I am God in its all forms. I am beyond the space-time reality and free to enter any form and time. I know this NOW is forever and ever and ever. I can at will experience any event from the past or the future. I can remember the future in the same way I remember the past. The future is infinite, so is the past, so is now; it's all the same and One. All events are of the same value, the "dark" ones are as ok as the "good" ones. I am all the people and circumstances. I can at will experience being any person I know, which I do, and it's all play. All is GOOD; there is no moral code. I KNOW all and everything and I realize that my ordinary desire I see the vastness and joy of leela and I just want to play forever. I am all Being , all unmeasured universe; I see it and know it at the same time. I have no particular personality. I can observe "my own" personality but it's not me, only one of my many organs or apparitions. I delight in this The realization comes that this state is actually death, the non-incarnate existence. I am longing to come to live in the phenomenal world as the I realize that I am irresistibly driven by the desire to KNOW the truth about Being and that there will never be a final answer. I exist to know myself and I will never know. That's the driving force and the purpose with no conclusion or alternative. That's the bottomless black void I long to penetrate which I also am: the eternal sacred marriage and lovemaking of consciousness, the spark of life penetrating the unknowable source of All. Having come back, I experience the incredible fragility of my human body and the great compassion for it. I see the terrifying reality of the body-mind existence with its fear of madness and limitation. At the same time, there is wonder about life, appreciation of it, and acceptance. After all, it's my choice, though there is no other choice. It all stayed with me as the inner truth I've always possessed and now remembered. During the experience, I never ceased to be myself, never lost Ever loving and blessing you, Agata Amala |
